arbieandchubbs

in the end, its really not me being hypersensitive. its you. two.

and I guess I still need more time. Im sorrry I just cant do this now, act normal and talk to you, because that way Im deceiving both you and myself.

you cant imagine how it feels. the fear the hurt the disappointment the anger, I can feel my stomach churning lol. its like DREAD, yeah thats the word. its like fear, fear like getting back A level results? ahah maybe not. but yeah just fear, helplessness, that something I hope would never happen will eventually happen.

occupy myself with things haha comeon comeon.

one thing I learnt, or hope: things will only, ONLY get better.

sucks when your hair is super thick and super black, one bottle of dye is not enough and your hair just absorbs all the colour so theres no difference ): dingdong bell, should I buy another bottle? >< not that I like dyed hair, but my life needs some excitement. and the only source of excitement I can think of, is change.

okay swim/movie/snack/slack/chat with snuggles and char tmr! XD and my brother's coming back ahaha! shiyang must be damn happy XD

hi shiggs, maybe you'll be reading this :D every day's a better day okay!

can I pat myself on my back and say goodjob weiting for today? (:

well I turned up for it in the end right, wanted to not go and run away, but I went anyway. acted like nothing happened, not only on the surface but the inside as well. was feeling quite normal and composed, no sudden emotional plunges whatsoever, I kept calm woohoo.

now Im really starting to believe that time heals all wounds, like every single thing possible. :D keep it this way and all these er idk sadness/craziness/distracting emotions will soon come to past (: weiting ftw!

I'll be fine, right?

omg i seriously sound like a bimbo but,
I'M DAMN WORRIED ABOUT MY ZARA/ MANGO BLOUSES HAHAHAHA.

Shucks tanyc, what if they're all gone by the time i return!:( i will be damn depressed, esp the serena one! And the nice white flowy one zomg :( okay and the mandarin collar. Omg. Actually, just all of them! Even the pretty highwaisted skirt! The mother already approves of the prices, i just need the daddy to make a trip down to town with me!!:(

OMG, I REALLY AM DAMN WORRIED HELLO :( i hope no one goes shopping, damnzx. Hahahaha i hope singapore hits a recession for the next week or so while i'm away heehee.

alright at the airport with parents and we have concluded that i need a rich boy :( i think i need to stop wishing for one haha, otherwise i will never get one, right!!:(

my sister's breaking my heart :(
She's been making a huge fuss all day and creating lots of trouble for us and suddenly in the midst or our busy packing she started tearing while hugging my mummy :(

that started me crying too, (think: fk my cheeks are dying) it's like she sees us all dressed up with packed luggages and all and she understands, understands that we're leaving her yet again.

Yet again.

Hai, seriously my heart aches for her, idk sometimes, like times in my life like right now, it feels like she's my reason to live. Not anyone else, but her.

It's like everytime i watch her cry i can't help but cry too, and there's this weirdest feeling in my heart. Okay see this is the kind of time i wish i could express myself better, but i can't :(

Nevermind, it's enough for me to know, ya :)

Alright goodbye friends, i'll miss you all. As always.

And anyway damnzx i'm still super giddy ghafdghtyhfghjaytsgdvgzdsrtewqw

leaving soon won't be back till wednight/thursmorn (midnight) don't sms please! i have no autoroaming, so i can't receive msgs which kinda suckssss zomg so if you send i might never ever get it like uh only some will be sent to me when i return to s'pore. suckerrrrszx.

mail me instead if you want haha i'm praying that internet fees won't be too ex/ i won't be too shagged, then again it's ritz carlton and everything is expensive there right :(

okay totally feeling like crap now, having damn bad giddy spells i keep holding things and dropping them and blacking out haha so uncute a few hours before your flight :( stupid, stupid me ughh fking annoying.

i can't even think straight omg. what a mad day.
hello i hate hate hate going overseas, why doesn't anyone get it? everyone keeps saying i don't know how lucky i am/ exclaim about how it's damn fun/ whatever, but no one understands hahahaha i may joke about it laugh smile whatever but honestly there's nothing within me except dread and frustration.

okay but that's because people never ever know about the full story, huh. because each person, each family has too many secrets kept and they are things you can;t tell other people about.

rawr bye friends have fun in nice sunny singapore while i try to enjoy the next five days or so with the parents.
yeah, right.

hahaha I keep coming back lol. its 2am and I cant get to sleeep, my face is getting uglier by the minute its RAWWW.

okay but Im blogging about things to do omg constant reminder!

1) get new phone
2)get itouch
3)pack room
4)transfer stuff into new laptop
5)upload prom pics
6)find a job
7)uni apps
8)scholarship apps
9)dance lessons
10) shop (only when the first 9 are done)

number 1 to 5 before I fly OMG YEAH IM FLYINGGG! number 6 to 8 rest of december. 9 and 10 take my time (:

goodnighttt maybe I wont go out tmr, tooo ugly!

I WANT TO BE A BITCH. a mean bitch who cares about no one else but myself. if you're unhappy screw you, BITE ME.

Im scaredddd, really scared. of the possibility, of what may happen, or even what is happening already. if Im selfish I really wish this will NEVER EVER COME TRUE. please dont.

Im schizo boo.

thanks char (:

face is stinging, i swear the pain is crazily unbearable. been feeling like my face's on fire for the past few days, and omg does it hurt or what.

the raw skin underneath the dead skin stings like mad, and it hurts especially badly when it touches water. like when i shower i kinda wanna scream, so bad.

i guess that's probably why crying hurts so badly as well.

flying tmrw so don't contact me, i have no autoroaming since the parents don't want me to msg while overseas ><

won't be back till wednesday i think, hai. am damn shagged from everything, i just wanna hibernate (and peel) for the next 3 days or something.

super tired arghhhhh haha but yes i dragged myself out to meet tanchingching today after a very hectic morning + lunch, simply because we decided if we didn't meet now the next time we'd meet is january.

SO YEAH. i sacrificed the pain of showing my fugly face to the world and caught this crazy 1hour bus ride (that gave me terrible buttache) to town to meet her haha. she kinda trumped luggage packing + trip planning + lots of other things that i had to settle before leaving but ohwell, it was a worthy day out haha found lots of pretty blouses goodness, it hink i'm gonna spend half a thousand on shopping for pretty officewear!!:D but that shall be when i return, i pray the blouses will still be there :( we shopped for a pretty short while and settled at starbucks because we got tired hahahaha so lacking in stamina, really.

i realised that i have no comfy shoes to wear overseas. damnzx, i really need nice pretty loafers :(

grrrr life these days have been quite terrible, frankly. my skin's been either hurting or itching like maddddd and i'm juts too tired. freak my parents and ttheir last minute notices of trips, really :(

too many things to do and none settled, arghhhhh >< anyway have i mentioned? PEELING commenced today, i look and feel like some fugly scaly reptile ughhh.

okay so many things i have yet to blog about hai :( whateverzx, life sucks now anyway right haha.

you know what. can guess. hope not. bad person again. my fault now. cant control. whats wrong. so what. you want me to do. would you? Im the bitch okay. sorry. boo.

shut shut shut. away. you. you. happy together. let me rot. no one cares. anyway.

after this year. hurray. everything's gonna be fine. it better be.

time heals. all wounds. everything. time forgets. all pain. everyone.

dont wanna go tmr. but must be strong. no but too weak. cannot see. rest of my life. for now. Im a loser. ding dong bell. ugly face peeling. face up reality.

Im getting addicted to peeling my skin off, like it actually feels good peeling! just that the peeled off area is like PINK and it feels RAW after that ): so now I look like a freak with skin disease OMG SAVE ME, brown red and pink! and flaking white skin OMGGG FUCK.

how am I going to go out tmr!!!

my face is a disaster >< burnt red and peeling omgggg, I cant even bathe properly nowwww my scalp hurts too! ): haha only good thing is that somehow all my other flaws become less obvious, my eyerings and pimples lol.

okay class outing tmrrr, okay not class, but that group in class haha misss them havent seen them in agess! XD

and my eyes are closing Im falling asleep. ><

universities reply me quick Im freaking out!

I wanna run away, so should I go? I dont wanna risk any chance to see you. I swore never to see you again in my life ): but thats weak. but I dont wanna see you two.

okay ding dong sleep on it. why didnt it rain! I thought it would rain haha I love rainy nights, snuggle safely in bed XD

not making sense.

alright back from bintan! am so tired, all i can say is that i have successfully been transformed into a lobster.
but goodness, what a painful life as a lobster i can't eat properly because of ulcers that developed, can't walk properly in flats because of blisters, and my face + thighs + arms are just dying from the burning sensation. so yeah for the past two days ever since we soaked in the pool in midday sun for over 2 hours, i've been feeling like i'm on fire.

really, not cute. i can't even shower properly, hot water burns ttm so cold water's the only thing i can resort to, even though it still burns somewhat but its much better. and the rest of my body (back etc) will be freezing cold. damn weirdzx. even brushing against people hurts hahahaha or like wiping my face with my towel.

goodness sucks to all of us heehee what dumb asses.

some dramaaa here and there in the trip, think i will blog a point form private post one day!

OMG REALLY SO TIRED. and bad bad neckache. grrrr!

anyway i got onto the car today to find out that my parents just booked a 4d3n trip to osaka , leaving this saturday. how spontaneous, hai am not too pleased though. my skin's bad enough as it is, going to dry weather isn't very healthy for it at all i should think! i might just really be disfigured D:

you don't understanddddd.

taking damn long to pack like zomgggg :(

eh hi you seriously just annoy me.

anywya i wanted to blog about so many many things!! like prom and its meaning, postprom activities, preprom even (like my buying of three bags heehee with a bill that totalled 120 after discount yay) and family and lots and lots of stuff.

BUT, I AM TOO SHAGGED.
and will be more so tmrw omg srsly this feels insane.

OKAY i need to survive till past 10th december, and then i can finally enjoy some freedom for awhile before i need to worry about packing for the next trip! go go go!

i forgot to blog abt my happy family day yst! brother was home (what's new) and it was my sis's birthday and we were being gay hahahaha and ay idk it just made me quite happy :) even though my brother completely flashed me/ checked out my undies/ lifted up my skirt hahahaha i think i have a damn dysfunctional family >< that said he wasn't being a pervert, think we are just quite gay together hahahahaha and he doesn't usually see me in alot of clothes, then my mother will come screaming at me that all boys suck and that even if he is my brother i must still be decently clad in front of him hahaha then my brother and i will exchange this >< look.

anyway SURPRISE SURPRISE my brother actually said 1) my dress was quite nice (WOW) 2) that i look quite nice because i have a nice smile (brain froze for awhile i was like omg wait is this my brother complimenting me?!) okay and the rest of the things weren't that surprise surprise anymore. to do with 1) fat tummy 2) no cleavage no boobs 3) fat legs 4) my taste sucks etc.

he said his bbf (my trug senior) said that my sec4 prom dress was damn ugly then i was like hello you yourself thought it was quite nice lor! and he DENIED it :( and then i told him but i think its nice and alot of my friends think so too and he said
"HELLO MEIMEI, that's why they're YOUR friends. True friends, like me, tell the truth.
You're UGLY."

like okay fine igive up :( after 18 years of my llife with him, i really need to start errrrr nnot consistently try to curry favour with him, decided it will never happen in this lifetime of mine :(

you know what weiting, you're really starting to get on my nerves. your emotions thoughts god damnn annoyinggg FUCK YOU. did you forget YAFI? wtf tanweiting, seriously.

you control my emotions, just like that.

tried my prom dress again today, somehow I look fat in it now! OMGGGG, I swear Im gonna go on a vege diet till saturday ):

not right not right, dress is not right, accessories not right, hair not right! I only like the shoes lol but they hurt like crazy ahhaah and everyone's gonna wear heels so doesn make me any taller! ):

and sats SCREW YOU YOU ARE SPOILING MY POST AS MOOD! I cant wait for saturday afternoon.

and Im losing hope for an overseas education lol, getting in is one thing, getting a scholarship is another. lol who am I seriously. okay nto that I give up so easily, Im just really tired, how long have we been fighting struggling?

not in a good mood hahah hopefully lan qiu huo will make me better :D was watching meteor garden the past week but somehow I keep falling asleep, omg even dao mingsi doesn appeal to me anymore HAHAH.

whats wrong with me. let go move on.